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A Boomer’s Journal: Sometimes, Questions of Life Have No Answers
By Tom Anselm
Oftentimes my wife Jill says “when I get to heaven, God willing, have I got some questions for Him.” I think I only have one, but it covers a lot of territory. It is “why?” More specifically, “why do bad things happen to good people?”
Now, I know a learned rabbi wrote a book by that title a few years back. And his theories were good, but not wholly satisfying to me. I’m afraid that stuff “just happens”, that there’s this free-will thing we all have that leads to a certain randomness in the worlds events. And these unpredictable moments can change lives.
Last fall, the sun rose on Oct. 9. For many in our family, I don’t know how. A car accident the day before involving our two great-nieces resulted in the death of 11-year old Katie and seriously injured her older sister, Beth. The shock of this shot through the family, and the community, like a bolt of lightning.
I can say with certainty that I have never personally experienced such overwhelming depth of grief and despair that the parents and grandparents felt that weekend and the days that followed. The most I could do was to hold someone up, or tell them to keep breathing. And even those words had little meaning, the pain was so stifling.
Of course, well-intentioned friends said lots of things in their earnest attempts at solace. Things like”I know she’s in Heaven”, or “God needed her”, or “She’s an angel now, looking after us.”Really? A child, someone’s baby, was gone. In his book “No One Cries the Wrong Way”, Father Joe Kempf tells a story of a young girl much the same age who died of a rare disease.
The mother, numb with grief, was inconsolable. She asked Fr. Joe, “How can I pray to a God who would take my daughter? What reason could be good enough? I do not believe God caused this.”Nor do I. Still, free will or random theory provides small solace to someone who has lost a child. Today, just over 6 months later, the sting is still so sharp for so many. I still search for the answer to that one question, and nothing comes. The family goes on.
Milestones have been faced, and endured. They say time heals all wounds, and hopefully theirs also will heal. But the scars, oh, the terrible scars, will always remain. Well-meaning people are doing wonderful things to help.
For example, a fundraiser at Incarnate Word Academy was held to successfully endow a scholarship in her honor. It is Beth’s school, and Katie would have gone there as well. Through events such as this, her memory will live on. But I have a special, small memory of Katie. We were sitting on her uncle’s porch after a baptism.
She was about six, this kid who knew no boundaries for love and affection. She slid onto my lap and sang the entire Notre Dame Fight Song, in that wonderfully sweet falsetto voice of hers. Then she smiled amidst the applause, her round face glowing with an incandescent quality. I’ll never forget that moment. “Once upon a time, there was a girl named Katie,” was how thatsame uncle ended her eulogy.
With all due respect to his wonderfulwords on that day, he was only partly right. In all our hearts, and in all our memories, there will always be a girl named Katie.(Tom Anselm welcomes commentsat tjanselm@sbcglobal.net)
