Take my Advice; Don’t Mess with a Pain in the Neck

By Tom Anselm

“The following is a public service announcement.”
When you see this, it’s usually something that has to do with health. This one today is no exception.
About a year ago, I tried to use the pandemic down-time to get in shape. I noticed that my left triceps had turned into what could politely  be characterized as “old lady flappy underarm.” Couldn’t even get a two-pound weight up over my shoulder. Nuttin’, honey. Went to an orthopedic doc, got the x-ray, no damage…
Diagnosis: I am old.
Turns out, that was probably the first sign of what has recently been discovered, in the last six weeks, as… wait for it… cervical spondylosis with myelopathy and radiculopathy. Try saying that 3 times fast.
So this summer my arms and hands were achy, especially in the mornings. Like I’d just spent 8 hours chopping wood. Thought, well, this is tendonitis. Went to my GP, late July. Saw the Nurse Practitioner. No exam. Take some ibuprofen and let us know how it goes, she says. Well, dang it, we could have done this by phone. I wanted my $35 co-pay back. Meds didn’t help. Went to a different ortho guy. Does a 3-minute exam and says… “Let’s get some x-rays of those shoulders, and … neck.”
Neck, says I to the empty room. What the …?

  Comes back with the images. “Well, my man… What we have here is an ugly neck.”
So, yeah. First off, I am not his “man” and, second of all, he could have been just a bit more professional dropping that bomb on me, dontcha think? He says I should see his “neck guy.” A surgeon. A SURGEON!? This dude was, as my grandkids say, a “tool.” Hell, he was the whole box.
So, with apologies to John Steinbeck, this has become “The Fall of My Discontent.” I was pretty much floored by this news. Some old neck bones seemed to have fused, pinching the nerves that go to the arms and hands.
So instead of the ‘neck guy’, my next appointment 10 days later is with the NP. She says, “Let’s get an MRI.” I’m like, I waited 10 days to hear this? Does anyone in your office know there’s this invention called a telephone? And this thing that Al Gore invented, The Internet, where one can actually write an electronic letter to someone? Quickly, Jill is losing confidence with this group. Not to mention another $35 co-pay.
So this here M.R.I… ever done one of these? I had not. It felt like 30 minutes in a metal trash can with a railroad gang
banging sledgehammers. (This, by the way, took another week to schedule. Confidence continuing to wane.) Well, to my wonder but not really surprise, the test confirmed that I indeed had an ‘ugly neck.’ No physical therapy, nothing a well-respected chiropractor who saw it could do to fix things. Impingements, misaligned vertebrae, bone spurs galore…so yeah, just a veritable ‘buffet of wrong’ going on in the neckish region.
Turns out, this kind of thing seems to be pretty common amongst “The Gang with Too Many Birthdays.” Age being the main culprit, and narrowing of the canal that contains that good old thing we all need to work well… The Spinal Cord. Also turns out that docs who do this delicate work are in high demand, weeks sometimes months into the calendar before they have even see you, much less do the job. It sure ain’t a buyer’s market here, friends and neighbors.
The story continues, in that I think now I am finally going to see the surgeon to review the MRI. Welllll, the next visit is with… yeah, you guessed it, the NP, who says the doc saw the MRI, says surgery is the trick, now ‘Let’s get a CAT Scan to see just how to do the operation.” Still haven’t met the surgeon, STILL could have done this with a phone call. And now I’m out another $35. Seeing a pattern here? Confidence slips to below 10%.
Second opinion time. Called our son’s friend Todd, who was in this business. He gave me great advice and reminded me that his cousin, my college soccer teammate, Kevin, had a neck thing a few years ago. Long story short, Kevin’s doc is one of the top guys in the game. But he’s not in STL anymore! So Kevin, who is on a fly-fishing vacation, calls the guy, gets a name of another excellent surgeon. Call him and get in within a week. To see an actual Docter.
We meet, great exam, reviews all the tests, and (without calling it an ‘ugly neck’ or referring to me as ‘my man’), sets me up for surgery the second week of October. Just. Like. That. Thank you, Todd and Kevin. And The Lovey Jill, my Esteemed Medical Advocate.
Now, for the Public Service Announcement.
Feeling numbness or pain in your arms or hands, balance issues, anything that seems out of whack? Do not mess around!
Call everyone you can think of who can help. Get the best doc you can find. Follow up on everything. And take nothing for granted.
As good old Kevin said… “This is your $#@#%$& SPINAL CORD, for *&^%$%# SAKE!”
Oh, yeah… and wish me luck.

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