Words Do Hurt . . . But There’s Hope

by Tom Anselm

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Sounds familiar, right? That old adage that we have heard since childhood. It says ‘pay no attention to those who say bad things to you’; but watch out for them sticks and stones, while you’re at it.

We all know that, positive as it may sound, this strategy doesn’t always work. Words can in fact hurt. Maybe not as noticeable, but painful nonetheless.

Pretty sure insults have been around for as long as mankind has had the ability to put sounds together to have meaning. I can just imagine Og saying to Trog… ‘Hey, you throw spear like female’ (or some such prehistoric putdown.)

Lord knows we are seeing this kind of demeaning discourse at all levels of politics, business, sports. It seems to be an age of rudeness that we live within. But really, it has always

been thus. There have always been those who treat others badly, taking advantage of a supposed advantage of size or power or wealth to belittle and make miserable their fellow man. And woman. Today we have the likes of Putin and Assad. Other days were Amin and Milosevic. Still others were Hitler and Stalin and Mussolini. And on and on, back as far as you want to go, really.

On a much smaller but more personal level, I would make a safe bet that few if any of us have lived a life untouched by bullying.

As a kid in grade school, I’ve had a few run-ins with this sort. There was a handful of older guys who delighted in making fun of my friends and I. It never got physical, but it was certainly verbal, and very constant. It is something that I have never really forgotten. The mark is there, even if unseen. I know my own kids have experienced this. Jill, in her work, has also. My grandkids, in their so-far-short lives, have felt the slings and arrows of vindictiveness. Meanness just seems to be part of the human condition.

So I wanted to do some research on this phenomenon called ‘bullying’.

There is an organization called the National Bullying Prevention Center. Sad that there has to be such a thing, but is seems are like a clearing-house for research and make recommendations to schools mental health practitioners on the subject. Schools, primarily because that is where kids are most, and where most of the bullying takes place. Some very interesting information is out there.

At least one in every five kids in schools has reported being bullied. This takes the form of the traditional name-calling, physical interaction, exclusion from groups. More recently, especially since 2007, the bullying takes aim at sexual identification, and the big one, cyber bullying, going from 18% in ’07 to 34% in 2016. And 90% of the kids who are cyber bullied are also victimized at school as well. A double whammy. Ugh.

We know of the effects of bullying. Anxiety, school absence, physical and emotional illness, poor school performance, lowered self-esteem, and in some cases, self-harm. Even as far as… well, you know.

School districts have taken this very seriously in recent years. There are specific programs emphasizing the proper treatment of others, how to get help if bullied, who to talk to, what to do. Teachers and staff receive training on how to spot this, both the perpetrators and the victims, and how to report their findings. All well, and good. However, according to the studies, the most effective approach to support those bullied comes from the kids themselves Sure, they may have become more aware and empowered to intervene due to the schools efforts. But for whatever reason, it seems that friends, classmates, teammates, class leaders, kids with high social standing, if they reach out to the victims and (even sometimes the perpetrators) with support and advice and, well, just being there for them, this has the result of helping reduce the effects of bullying and in at least half the cases, ending the abusive behavior all together.

Peer power of the most positive potential.

The sticks and the stones, they do leave a visible mark . The words also leave an indelible mark, one that is less visible, but there nonetheless.

How interesting that kindness and concern and, yes, love, can mitigate this terrible phenomenon that will likely never be eradicated from human interaction.

Once again, the youth lead, and there is hope for the future.

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