MY DREAM 2020 OSCARS REDUX

By Sandra Olmsted

If I were the Queen of Hollywood and anything I did would be legal, as if I had the divine right of kings, who would I have decreed be nominated and win Oscars? First, I would decree that comedies, dramas, and musicals would each have a separate best picture category. Why? Because films like “Jo-Jo Rabbit” and “Knives Out” never have a chance of taking home a Best Comedy Oscar. In terms of musicals, I’m going way out on a limb here — and you may have to call the fire department to get me down — yet I think “Cats” was good if a bit long. I had seen the stage play several times and still had no idea what the story was; however, the film version clarified it. And please, no caterwauling about not knowing what Jellicles, etc. mean because, if it was a superhero movie, a dozen imaginary terms would be introduced without inspiring whining. Best Drama would still come down to “1917” or “Parasite”; however, the Academy did what I could not imagine: and award “Parasite” Best International Feature and Best Picture, and Bong Joon Ho Best Director and Best original Screenplay. If there were separate categories, Parasite, although a dark comedy, might have been under Best Comedy.

Who would I have nominated who wasn’t and for what? Kasi Lemmons and Greta Gerwig, who both have writing credits for their films, would immediately have nominations for Best Director. Harriet, which would have been nominated for Best Dramatic Picture, showed Lemmon’s nuanced, delicate genius in handling the violence of Harriet Tubman’s life while giving us an American heroine. Greta Gerwig opened up a classic story with portrayals of those “Little Women” that freed them from the male gaze so that they could become more real humans, which made all the characters sympathetic in ways the earlier versions did not. Two other women who deserve nominations for Best Director were Marielle Heller for “A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood” and Celine Sciamma for “Portrait of a Lady on Fire.” Maybe we need ten nominations in the Best Director category so that the directing talents of women might be acknowledged by Hollywood’s old boys’ club.

What about films about Hollywood? Since I love them, they would always be a favorite of my perfect Academy. So “Judy” and “Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood” would done even better. The film “Judy” would get a Best Dramatic Oscar, or at the very least a nomination, in my perfect world. And no, it is not a musical, but a drama. And Renee Zellweger would win Best Actress because she channels Judy Garland in every facial expression, body movement, and song belted out, yet, more importantly, Zellweger makes Garland not the butt of cruel jokes but a real person. Zellweger, and Judy’s director and screenwriters, reveal the troubled, difficult life of the child star who was stunted physically and emotional by exploitive executives, family members, and harsh studio demands. Even in the imperfect world where I’m not Queen of Hollywood, Zellweger won Best Actress and Brad Pitt won Best Supporting Actor for “Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood” although that film could only be nominated for Best Dramatic or Best Comedy Picture, depending Columbia Pictures’ positioning of its film.

Would I decree that credit-where-credit-was-due be given to streaming studios? Absolutely! They are producing and distributing some excellent and innovative films. The strategy of snagging big stars, such as Anthony Hopkins for “The Two Popes,” and director Martin Scorsese, Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, and Joe Pesci for “The Irishman,” has given the streaming studios the political connections to get nominations and while giving stars the opportunities to make their vanity films. My decree would go into effect immediately and not just after the traditional studios invested in all the streaming companies. In addition to Netflix’s “Marriage Story,” “The Irishman,” “The Two Popes,” and “Klaus” and Amazon Studios’ “One Child Nation” and “Honey Boy,” other films should have at least gotten Oscar nods: Netflix’s, “The Laundromat” and “Dolemite Is My Name” and Amazon’s “The Aeronauts,” “Late Night,” and “Troop Zero.” To address the motion picture industry’s problem of distribution, they should remember that the streaming studios deliver movies to our digital doorstep, just as studio mogul Siegmund Lubin predicted, circa 1917.

“The motion picture machine will be part and parcel of every household . . . and movies will be delivered with the daily mail.”

Well, a girl is allowed to dream of being divinely anointed and to always have her way, at least until the final ballots were counted!

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