Blog

A Boomer’s Journal

By Tom Anselm

 There are some universal truths that we all can adhere to on our journey. Love is better than hate, at all times. The sun will come out tomorrow, despite the forecast. The Cubs will never, ever win the World Series. Another is that we all, each and every darn one of us, have been wronged by someone at some point in our lives. Maybe it was a teacher, or a coach, or a spouse. It could have been a boss, or a friend, or our very own child. It could have been the guy who slammed your bumper in the parking lot and weaseled off into the darkness. Being wronged happens, and will continue to happen, as long as we continue to draw breath.

The question floating around in my noodle these fine fall days is just how I should respond to this truth. In a moment that has been coming for some time, I realize I have some grudges that I need to resolve. Go on the ‘interwebs’ and you can get tons of helpful hints on how holding a grudge is unhealthy, spikes your BP, produces stress in the brains chemical composition that mirrors anger. There are plenty of “Top Ten Ways to Forgive”, and “Twelve Best Forgiveness Songs.” I didn’t see it, but if I had kept searching, I am sure I would have found “The Top Five Ways for You to Forgive, Tom”, accompanied by an offer for the “Twelve Best Forgiveness Songs, yours for just three easy payments of only $19.99.”

I was listening to my little Sony transistor this morning waiting for my Extra-Strength Excedrin to kick in (better than coffee, and helpful to the arthritic joints, as well.) A guy on a Christian station was preaching about, you guessed it, forgiveness. Funny how things like this seem to jump into your life at just the right time. He used the New Testament parable of the landowner whose steward owed him a ton of talents. He said a talent was like a years wages, and this guys chances of paying this off were as good as the Rams staying in St. Louis. (He really didn’t say that last part… that’s just my editorial comment. But you get the idea… his chances were pretty slim.) So this debtor begged and cried for forgiveness and the owner was so moved that he let him off the hook. Then, as you most likely know, this same guy went off and throttled another servant who owed him like $12.50. The owner heard of this and had the first guy thrown in the hoosecaw for the rest of his born days.

And so, wow, I thought. Here I am, wanting to get forgiveness when that time comes for My Final Reckoning, but I can’t let go of my little grudges. I was no better than the ungrateful steward. The lesson here was, if you expect mercy, you must show forgiveness. I know in my head that this is how I am being called to act. But today, this morning, I realized that I need to come to know this in my heart.

Ghandi said “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong.” I want to be that strong guy. A prayer we all know says “forgive us our trespasses as we…” Well, you know the rest. Everytime I get to that part, I know I am less than I should be. I need to metaphorically lock these grudges in a metaphoric drawer, throw the metaphoric key in the deepest metaphoric lake. I know those bad feelings are there, and I will likely never forget them, but I can’t let them out. I have to move on, and keep that drawer shut. Metaphorically speaking, of course. It’s like one of my more worldly female students said a few years ago when talking about a complaint I had voiced about something or other.

“You just gotta L.I.G., Mr. A. Let. It. Go. Dang, don’t do nobody no good to worry it out. Just L.I.G.” A philosopher, she was. Jesus, The Lords Prayer, Ghandi, Miss Pink Fingernails… good leads to follow, all.

Some 12-Step programs have a saying: “When you hold a grudge against someone, it’s like that person lives rent-free in your head.”

All well and good, you know. But how do you start clearing out that room in the old noggin? I guess you just resolve to do it.

So, here goes. Call it a “work in progress.”

Keep you posted.

Share on Facebook

Tweet

Follow us