Those Stars in the Sky May Just be

Our Neighbors…But So What?

                           By Tom Anselm

I believe in UFO’s. I also believe that we have nothing to fear from them.

Think about it. If they have the capabilities to fly at triple-warp speed, to to actually get into our atmosphere without detection and disappear quickly into the night sky, then they could have easily conquered each and every nation on earth by now.

My theory is that they just couldn’t care less.

I mean, they have to be super-intelligent right? So, being that, what in the universe would they want with a bunch of schmucks who are constantly at odds in all areas of the globe, can’t figure out how to speed up a drive-through line, (except for Chic-Fil-A… hey…they may be aliens), and finds both the St. Louis Cardinals and New York Yankees seemingly not going to make even the contrived second wild-card slot this year. As the Wicked Witch of the West said when Dorothy doused her with that bucket of mopwater… “what a world, what a world!”

Supposedly, and this is on the most reliable authority, also known as Instagram, the government has been lying to us about this situation since the 1950’s. Allegedly, (as they say on Capital Hill for anything and everything) there is evidence of crashed vehicles, biologic remains, and technology that not even Elon Musk can figure out. First of all, if you can accept the premise that the government has been lying to us all these years, which of course I do, then you can accept that what they have been lying about is really true. Does that make sense? (I hope so, because as I reread this, uhh, not so sure.)

The Government, are now secretly so embarrassed that we are so screwed up on this planet that intelligent beings from beyond the stars are just messing with us, flitting around here and there, with the occasional abduction, and not even asking “Take me to your leader,” because, well, have you seen our leaders? Surely, if you were from a civilization so advanced as to be able to build a craft that could fly at the speed of light, would you want anything to do with the chaotic and infantile behavior that is Washington, DC?

Yeah, my point exactly.

Consequently, our ‘leaders’ are trying to play this off as no big deal. When in reality, what it really seems to be is a giant extraterrestrial-middle-finger. And we all know that politicians simply can’t stand to be taken as fools, even though most of them are… they just don’t like to be taken for one.

These above proceedings notwithstanding (Congress-ese again!), let us continue to rest easy that no naked little green men (or women, to be politically correct here) are going to be knocking on our doors holding rayguns or abducting our pets or asking to be escorted to nation’s capital any time soon.

Although that would be a pretty cool news story.

“Here’s today’s evening update…

“A delegation from the Planet AlphaBeta12 of the Snickers galaxy arrived at Capital Hill earlier this morning. No signs of intelligent life were found, so they turned around and went home. E. T. was sought for comment, but apparently he was …not answering his phone.”

Sorry.

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