Good News: No Covid, But $30 For
Underwear is Hitting Below the Belt

So I thought I had COVID a few weeks ago. Feeling tired, headachy, etc. Not real sick but listless, ya know? (Is the opposite of that ‘listful? Just wondering.) Took a home test we just had gotten from the USPS from the US of A. By the way, each one we have gotten has been a bit different. This, I must say, does not lend itself to much confidence in the system. Were the ones we got before not that great? Not giving valid results? Too expensive? Subject to recall? Is
this one better, or just cheaper, or…
Well, you see what I mean, right?
Anyway, after twirling the swab in each nostril at least 5 times, squeezing the container of who-knows-what into the tiny tube, spinning the swab, squeezing the swab, dripping the mystery solution onto a little rectangle, putting my left foot in and my left foot out then my left foot in and shaking it all about (I made that part up), I waited 15 minutes and… no plague!
But I still felt like crap. Go figure. Especially since I am hearing that people are still getting it, some feeling very lousy, even those who have had the dang disease already. So…
On a related note, I got some new underwear the other day. Well, Jill picked some up at Kohl’s. 5 pair, 30 bucks. 30 DOLLARS! (This story is not related to the one above, just needed a segue.) Before she left she asked me “boxers or briefs?” And I said… “Depends.” (No, not really, I just made that up. It’s an old joke, but one which may not be so far off the mark.)
So yeah, a bit pricey, if you ask me. Which of course you didn’t, since you’re reading this voluntarily, hopefully, and no one is forcing you to read this against your will. That would be just stupid, which by the way, is maybe my most favorite word to use to describe things, although my youngest grandkids get in trouble if they say it. Not from me. From their parents.
So, back to the underwear. I guess it is safe to say that this garment just might be one of history’s most underrated inventions. (See what I did there?) Maybe second only to pants, or indoor plumbing, although air conditioning runs in the top three to be sure.
And it got me to wondering… how did this piece of clothing get its name? I can just see it now. Good Old Ogg and Trogg, sitting in their cave around the fire one chilly night. Ogg says, “Hey, me itchy.” Trogg says,“What you mean?”
“Well nice furry outfit wife make from mastodon pelt, but… you know, itchy… down under there,” says a squirmy Ogg. To which Trogg replies, “Under where?” And, in one of those serendipitous moments that history gives us, Ogg jumps up and yells out “That IT! UNDERWEAR!”
Which said moment forever changed the clothing industry, not to mention stopping chafing in its tracks. And Ogg, whose last name was ‘Hanes,’ went on to become the founding father of that burgeoning industry.
And speaking of communication, (were we?) what an abomination twitter is to the grand scheme of communication in our lifetime. I was just tweeting about this the other day… not really, as I was once on it, but got off it (twice, okay?) “But wait! There’s more.” (I love this on infomercials, which is why I never, ever call in my order as soon as the phone number comes up… saves me so much money! I mean, who can pass up “free shipping”, am I right?)
So yeah, here it is… the word ‘stupid’. See, I promised you I’d get back to it.
You have to deliver it with the tonal quality of a New York City cab driver for it to really work as it was meant to. Lean forward, lift both shoulders, punch the letter ‘t’, stretch out the first syllable with rounded mouth… really get into it. And hit the last consonant as if it were a capital ‘T’. “STOOOpiT”.
Go on, try it… I’ll wait. Hunch those shoulders, now… There. Wasn’t that fun? Do it again. “STOOOpiT!!” Ha… love it. Have a great summer. Hope it’s not … STOOOpiT!

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