Blog

By Joan Anselm                                   

I have gone back and forth on whether or not I should write this. First of all I want to state that all lives matter. And the loss of any 18-year-old will always be a tragedy.

I was born and raised in Florissant. right next to Ferguson. It hurts my heart to see my community burning and slandered by the national media.

I have struggled with writing this because I am white.

Am I biased because of the color of my skin? Yes, I am. I am biased because I have never had to walk down the street and worry that others may think I will harm them. I have never had to go the extra mile to prove myself because of the color of my skin. I can never truly say that I understand because I never will. And that makes me biased.

Am I biased because of where I grew up? Yes, I am. I grew up in a community of mixed races. And because of this I have spent my entire life defending my multi-ethnic community.

This state of defense began as a child when I first realized that my family and I were judged by where we lived. And this instilled anger and caused me to pass judgments on those who live in the southern and western parts of St. Louis County. These issues of racial segregation in St. Louis are not new and have been thriving for my entire lifetime.

In light of recent events I have had to defend my home even more than usual. Six months ago I moved to Denver, Colorado. At a recent football game I was speaking to a man who was also from St. Louis. As I told him I was from Florissant, he questioned “And you’re white?” I have never felt so angry with a stranger before. This man is proof that racism still exists.

The media is depicting my home, a home in which I have never been scared to walk the streets even on the darkest nights, as a war zone.

And I thought myself to be better than him.

Flash forward to last Monday night, the night of the Indictment decision. I was staying with my parents in Florissant for Thanksgiving. After coming home from a dinner with friends, I got out of my car only to see two black men walking down the street. And I became scared. Only to have these men say my name and identify themselves as my neighbors, whom I was good friends with and played with as a child.

In that moment I hated myself. I hated that I felt scared of my own neighbors. I hated that the racial thoughts were taking over my mind as well. And I began to think about the stereotypes and racist thoughts I held in my mind.

As I discuss the past events with my fellow residents we are not embarrassed of where we are from. We are embarrassed that in this day and age race is still an issue. So yes, right now we need to stand up and make a change. But that change will not happen through violence, it will not happen by pointing fingers at one another. If we truly want this change we must point our fingers at ourselves.

Take a good hard look at yourself. What racial thoughts do you hold? What stereotypes and snap judgments do you make? Whether they are intentional or not, those are the issues that society has instilled in us. Those are the issues that we must face in ourselves before we can begin to make a change in others.

We do have the power to end the racial divide. But it must start with self-reflection and it must start now.

(Editor’s note: We felt this was a poignant observation on race, bias and much that has gone on in our area since August. This was also posted on Facebook)

Share on Facebook

Tweet

Follow us