Things Start Getting Serious with The Pros

At Practice Tee at Ascension Charity Classic

BY TOM ANSELM

Getting out to the course  Friday , I was interested in seeing the guys who make up the PGA TOUR Champions. My best bet was to hang out at the practice putting green and the first tee.

It was the start of the official tournament play, and these guys looked serious. I saw John Daly again, today with red lounging pants festooned with multiple characters. Not sure just what. David Toms, last year’s winner, standing about 5’8”. I make that estimate, since he walked by me earlier and I have shrunk to 5’6 ¾”, partly due to my neck surgery last year, and partly due to… well, just getting old with a touch of arthritis and osteoporosis. But enough about me.

There was Corey Pavin, not much taller. But his caddie was a hoot. Sporting a well-worn white slouch hat, a rather faded green golf shirt, compression sleeves, baggy cargo shorts, Eric was eating a couple of yogurts as his boss went through his putting paces. He told me, in terms that could not be printable, that he had been caddying for 43 years, 31 with Pavin, and it wasn’t hot at all, since he’d done 110 degrees last week. Interspersed within that information were every-other-word expletives beginning with the letter that comes between ‘E’ and ‘G’.

But the most remarkable thing about Eric was that he was about 6’3” and couldn’t have weighed more than 170. Friendly guy, as most caddies are, we wished each other ‘Have a great day, Dude.’ Alas, his man would not.

I met Bob at the first tee. He was from O’Fallon, MO and was volunteering just for fun. He was responsible for holding up the “Quiet” sign. I noted to myself that there was no “Please” included on that paddle. As I said, these guys are serious out there. Even though 47,000 people can be screaming as Albert Pujols steps into the batters box. Ah yes, golf and tennis, the polite sports.

I’m amazed, as I watched Bernhard Langer and David Duval, former PGA superstars hit their tee shots, at just how average they were in size, and just how far they could bang a ball dead-center down the fairway. Langer is no more that 160 lbs, and 65 at that. Duval, not much taller, carries a bit more around the white belt that when he was svelte back in the day, but still, both with swings a delight to behold. Langer would go on that day to card a 65 for a top-five finish.

Duval, not so much.

A quick note here about a golf serendipity. It’s a thing to say… ‘He shot his age.’

Now if you’re in your 60s, that is a remarkable achievement. Langer did just that. He may just be in that ‘Golden Zone’ for this. As you grow longer in the tooth, it becomes tougher. Drives are shorter, swings are less fluid, and the old shoulders and hips just don’t turn like they used to… if they ever did.

My best score ever was 15 years ago. It was for 9 holes and it was a 41 at Eagle Springs in North County. But then I was 58. So supposing I could do that for the next 9, that would be an 82. (High level math here, so stay with me.)

Today, I would have to shoot 73. Never, ever, gonna happen. And as the years roll on, the chances of shooting my age will quickly diminish. At 80, I may not even be able to get out of the golf cart. But I digress.

The day ended for me as I grabbed some lunch, delicious salmon and baked chicken, then took the shuttle back to the lot. The driver was named Johnny, a dapper-ly dressed man, sporting a porkpie hat, very pleasant to all, even after a long three days already. And on that bus were four other guys my age. One had on a faded Master’s cap, the others hatless. I asked Jack, who was next to me and in the latter group, just how many caps and hats he might have, rought estimate. He laughed, as did the other guys.

“Oh, I would have to guess about 40 or so… but I only wear a couple of them.”

I had to commiserate, as I have a back seat full of caps. The Lovely Jill always says ‘the last thing you need is another hat.”

Tru dat, sports fans.

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