New Decade, New Look, Let’s Hope So!

By Tom Anselm

“Let’s get physical… physical,” sand Olivia Newton-John back in 1981, resplendent in her white headband and blue leotard. And likely so say many of us about this time of the year. Gym memberships skyrocket, carb levels plummet. The guilt of cakes and cookies and alcohol and huge dinners indulged in over the holidays pushes the populace into visions, not of sugar plums dancing in our heads, but ‘body mass index’ and Peloton purchases.

And so, alas, I admit to falling into this same niche. Over the last few months, and even before the “Holiday Hedonism” set in, I’d noticed a certain expansion around the old middle. A bump, if you will, clearly visible and wholly unwanted. Clothing I’d worn in the past, especially my cherished ‘crazy pants’ became uncomfortably snug. Shirts spreading above the belt buckle, exerting dangerous pressure on the lower buttons. And more than a handful of flub right there for the grabbing. Not to mention the mocking of Mr. Scale in the morning. Seems that extra 5-10 just snuck up and took permanent residence.

So I decided that, older gentleman that I am becoming, I needed to take action. A visit to Dr. Interweb yielded more than enough data for my quest. Most of it conflicting. More cardio, says one site. No, cut out bananas, says another. (I really like bananas.) Time for juicing, for cleansing, for crunches, for planking. No, just do 7 minutes a day of intense resistance training. Low testosterone is the problem (really, that’s the problem?) and so on and so forth, ad nauseum. Aaaaaarghhhhh! So just what is a guy past middle age with a growing middle to do?

There’s this guy named Dr. Gabe Mirkin. He used to do a radio piece many years ago. He has this recipe for weight loss that was simple and certain, at least according to his research. Number 1: Take in less calories. Number 2: Burn more calories than you take in. Number 3: Do both. Seems logical, right? So here goes.

I’ve been to my doctor, he did an EKG, and he is looking into a non-treadmill stress test. You know, just to rule out any ‘issues’, as he so mildly put it. I told the doc I don’t want to be the guy who drops out on the stationary bike at the gym. He laughed.

I was serious.

The EKG was fine, although that’s not really anything but a moment-in-time sort of diagnostic tool. Still, all good for now.

I want to be able to push it a little, not a lot. No Senior Iron Man competitions in my future, but longer walks and a faster pace and some resistance… stuff like that.

Also, no vegan, no cleansing, no fasts. Keep eating bananas. Never ever gonna pass up an occasional small bag of Cheetos — Just buy into Dr. Gabe’s plan and see what happens.

As I always say, hope always springs eternal, and Spring is just a few calendar flips away. Wish me luck!

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