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A CHRISTMAS RAP FOR 2019

(Put to the beat of Ice Cube’s ‘Good Day’)

Twas the Night Before Christmas, and you know the story, When the Fat Dude in Red slides the chimney for the glory.

            We tore up them charges this year, that’s for certain, Da bills comin’ next month, we’re in for a-hurtin.

            But the crib was just still with the littles in bed, With visions of pancakes filling their heads,

             The Lady in her p.j’s and me in my boxers Restin’ up for The Big Day tomorrow… oh wowsers.

            Seem like my eyes just be closin’ when I heard this loud BOOM, Shook the dang windows and rattled the room,

            I jumped out the bed, my ticker was thumpin’, Looking out of the window I swear I saw sumpin’

            Musta snowed up a storm, but the moon now showed bright, And there stood this Dude by his ride in the night.

              Sportin’ a red suit with gold lame’ trim And a natty fedora with a bright green brim.  He let out a whistle and his doggies came flyin’, No, not just a-runnin’ but for real, they was flyin’,

            Crazy big mongrels, at least eight of them came, And the chub dude in red yelled at each by their name:

            Yo Boxer, Yo Junkyard, Hey Butchie and Ruff, Yo Beastie, Yo Monster, Hey Tiny, hey Tuff.

             Then, I swear, as sure as I’m telling the truff, They lifted that Dude and his bags to the roof. I said “What the..?” but before I could finish, He was inside the house dropping goods with a flourish.

            Now, I never caught a fella so happy and jolly, (He WAS smokin’ a pipe stuffed with what looked like holly!)

            He gobbled them cookies and drained the punch bowl, Liberally spiked with some Captain (hey, that’s how I roll.)

            Then he caught my eye and gave me a grin, So I guess I could take this as a pretty good win.

            I watched as he finished the job, felt no danger, Then he took a look around and knelt by the Manger.

            The room took a glow and a sweet, soft hum, Maybe ‘twas the angels, (or maybe the rum!)

            And turning to me he tapped his fedora, Snapped his fingers and opened the door-a,

            Dogs came and lifted him into the night, And I heard his deep voice as he flew out of sight…

            “Hey, Man, Merry Christmas, don’t worry your head, I left you some Captain, now go back to bed.”

            Good to his word, the Dude left me a cup, Took a deep breath, drained it, and headed on up.

            Now the craziest part of this midnight fling, Was The Lady beside me slept through the whole thing!

            So I snuggled up cozy, pulled the comforter tight, Be a Good Day tomorrow, and to you A Good Night.

Merry Christmas To All And to All A Good Night!