For New Soccer Team,

A Whole Lot!

By Tom Anselm

“A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” Or at least so said good old Billy Shakespeare. The implication here is that a name really doesn’t matter much. It is more the essence of something that determines its worth.
I guess you could make a case for that line of reasoning. After all, things are what they are, despite what you call them. A tasty piece of bacon would still make my mouth water even if it was called sliced pig… which, of course, it is. But I do believe that this doesn’t apply when it comes to people. Or
sports teams.
You’ve probably heard that St. Louis is getting a pro soccer team. For some, it is a dream come true. I’m pretty pumped, since soccer has been a big part of my life and now my grandkid’s lives as well. For others, not so much. However, there is a good patter on social media going on about what the new team should be called.
Team names help shape identity. Think “Packers,” “Giants,” “Supersonics,” “Bulls.” Strong, action-referencing names. Something to hang onto, to relate to, to yell for rabidly. And the merchandising guys love a good nickname. Hats, scarves, shirts, hoodies, banners, mugs, and so on, ad infinitum. All sporting that awesome logo. The name can be geographic, like “Rockies” or “Dolphins” or “Seahawks.”
We in this town have been spoiled with the iconic codifications of Cardinals and Blues and Spirits. (Notice, no Rams, that team we stole from LA, only to have it stolen back. Karma.) So the hope is that the new soccer team gets this aspect of their genesis correct.
A lot of European teams are known by their city: Manchester, Tottenham, Chelsea, Fulham, Barcelona. In the US of A, we tend to go with the nicknames. Here I offer my unsolicited Yellow-Card to those charged with naming: Please in the name of everything round and dotted, don’t include Football Club (FC) or United anywhere in the moniker! Them ships have sailed!
Here are some titles floating around, along with my own offering.
St. Louis Spirit: already used, and for a failed franchise. St. Louis and Clarks: cleverly historical, but too much spelling ambiguity. Gateway Archers: nice nod to city history, and the logo and mascot could be unique. Picture “Archerettes” in cute green Robin Hood-esque hats shooting soccer-ball-tipped arrows into the crowd. (Lawsuits, you may say? Maybe. And, alas, there is no STL in there. Gotta say the city name. Recall the European thing?) St. Louis Brewers: nope, taken. Blue Birds: cutsy, but cute is not going to strike fear into the opponent’s hearts. St. Louis Gunners: not PC, by any means.
Here is my choice. Not original, since I heard it somewhere recently. But it combines the city name, its geography and history, a great man, a horse and sword and crown, lends itself to a logo celebrating the rivers and the French settlers and giveaways galore. The St. Louis Kings !!! Can’t you just see it… a guy dressed like the Burger King, brandishing a sword, charging along on a white stallion before every half and after every goal. Colors? Why Red, White, Blue and Yellow, with the confluence of two great rivers behind the Fleur de Lis?
Awesome possibilities for the uniforms and merchandise as well. I’d love to see an all-yellow kit, trimmed with our nation’s colors.
This team is now entering the Big Time. It deserves a Big Time name. What say you?

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