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A Boomer’s Journal

By Tom Anselm

“It is only with the heart that one can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye.” So said The Fox in the 1943 novel “The Little Prince” by Antoine de Saint-Exupery. I read that a long time ago, and the phrase has resonated with me ever since. Especially so as I age and have received the blessings of grandchildren.

They say that “seeing is believing; I will believe it if I can hold it in my hand, touch it, see it.” I sometimes feel that way as I travel through the craziness of life. Or maybe it’s because I share a name with Thomas, that world-class skeptic back a few millennia ago.

However, you can’t see love, or hold it in your hand.   I have found that out in my long-standing relationship with the Lovely Jill. I know it in our offspring. And it steps up front and center with their children.

It comes in the flush of emotion when holding the newest member of the clan, and she reaches up to your face with both hands and nuzzles into your neck. Or when watching another fly down the sideline and slide a perfect pass to her sister, who scores with a quick flick of her right foot, and they hug. Or receiving a kiss from another who is genuinely glad to see you, just because you are you.

Then there are the boys who say ‘hi’ when they greet you, but you don’t let them off the hook so easily. You grab them and ruffle their hair, and they reluctantly but gladly accept the contact as they giggle a bit. Or when you are greeted by a dancing princess, as she spins her latest twirl for your approval.

We always thought that being a parent was pretty cool. Well, most of the time, at least. There are some moments, as all parents will acknowledge, that one wishes for the power to disappear. But grandparenting brings to life a new dimension. No longer must you be so concerned with homework or having a clean room or not bashing their brother’s head in. All important concerns, to be sure, but you’ve done your hitch on those and can leave it to their parents to handle the ‘dirty work.’

And while sharing in the grandkids’ accomplishments is important, you have such a great opportunity to help them see that they are not defined by how many goals they score, or what their last report card looked like, or why those kids in their class are mean to them. Or was that a good at-bat, or how their hair looks. You can quietly hold them on your lap without fear of ridicule, hug them in public, tickle-torture them no matter how old, tell them how much you admire them for their efforts to play the piano, paint, play the violin, hit a slap shot. Marvel at her courage dealing day in and day out with a serious illness. Revel in their beauty… of countenance, and of soul. And feel the glow as they light up when you tell them so.

These are the essentials. With all due respect to de Exupery, not all are invisible to the eye. But if the eye is the window to the soul, then all that enters in reaches deep into the essentiality of the seeing heart.

And as time goes on, through the ups and downs, the thicks and the thins, it is this essentiality that matters.

“Love you, Grandma.   Love you, Grandpa.”

Does it get any better?

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