{"id":7227,"date":"2012-02-02T11:01:37","date_gmt":"2012-02-02T17:01:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.flovalleynews.com\/?p=7227"},"modified":"2020-01-15T22:08:35","modified_gmt":"2020-01-15T22:08:35","slug":"tom-anselms-anti-bucket-list","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/flovalleynews.com\/?p=7227","title":{"rendered":"Tom Anselm’s Anti-Bucket List"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

Anti-Bucket List Works Better for Me<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>\u00a0 So how are you doing with those New Year\u2019s resolutions? I resolved not to make any resolutions, and I haven\u2019t broken it yet. Old joke, I know, but still a good one. Along with resolutions, people who are facing their own mortality have had a tendency in recent years to write a \u201cbucket list\u201d, you know, stuff you must do before you kick that old container.<\/p>\n

On the flip side, there\u2019s this Zen guy who says we shouldn\u2019t make goals or resolutions or lists of things we must do. Just live in the moment. Which is good for the stress levels, I guess, but that guy probably doesn\u2019t get much laundry done. As I watch the calendar turn to 2012, I\u2019m right at the 63 mark. Given the American male life expectancy, that puts me good for at least another decade and some change.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n

\u00a0\u00a0 Is it bad Karma to mention the fourth quarter of your game? Nah, it just makes sense. Still, I don\u2019t like the idea of a \u201cBucket List.\u201d Not that I don\u2019t have goals. Just that I don\u2019t like disappointment. I\u2019ve been known to say, \u201chave no expectations and you\u2019ll never be disappointed.\u201d<\/p>\n

So I have used up some precious brain cells here to compile my \u201cAnti- Bucket List\u201d, made up of \u201cThings I\u2019ll Never Do.\u201d Number One: Fly to Europe. Unless they invent a way to teleport me a\u2019la Star Trek, it\u2019s just not gonna happen. I can barely make it to Chicago on I-55, and that\u2019s with two stops for stretching. Yeah, I know about Ambien and all that. But just the thought of being five miles in the air over a very deep bunch of water for 8 hours starts my little tummy to roll. So sorry visits to the Vatican.<\/p>\n

Florida and California and New York, no problem. Just keep me where the prospects of an emergency landing don\u2019t include using my seat cushion as a flotation device. Yeah, like that would work.<\/p>\n

Number Two: Bungee Jumping. Are you kidding me? I nearly croaked a few years ago shooting down a water slide at Disney World. So, no way on this inexplicable activity. It\u2019s enough for me to just jump out of a golf cart.<\/p>\n

Number Three: Learn to play a musical instrument. I\u2019ve had an acoustic guitar for over 30 years and the best I can do is about 20 chords. I also have my Marine Band harmonica, worth maybe a couple dozen songs. But what I don\u2019t have is that little thing called talent. I\u2019ll keep strumming chords and tooting on the mouth harp, but only for private consumption. Or when the grandkids come over and want to slobber all over it with their renditions. The harmonica, not the guitar.<\/p>\n

Number Four: Play at the Masters in Augusta, Georgia. No, not play in the Masters. To do that you have to be a really good golfer. And to just play at the course, you have to be really rich or really famous. Really. \u00a0None of which I am. Besides, I bet they don\u2019t allow golf carts or just playing 9 holes, which are the hallmarks of my game. So, yeah, no green jacket for \u00a0me.<\/p>\n

Number Five: Water ski. Much to the lovely brides delight, this is the one sport that she beats me at. Unless you count ice skating. She is good at both, and I could never come out of the crouch to ski. Of course, I only tried it that once, but that was enough. And skating? Bad ankle equals lots of ice time\u2026 on my rear.<\/p>\n

Number Six: Write the next Great American Novel. I tried. Twice. Random House wasn\u2019t interested, along with about 50 other publishers. So I self-published one, and the other sits quietly in my documents file. Columns are easier. Brief, concise. Short stories, poems and songs are fun. Just no more novels. \u00a0But hey, maybe I can pen a screenplay of my book, add a few middle-school vampires, a time-traveling principal, center it around a school choir, throw in math-savant kid.<\/p>\n

Number Seven: Flip my hair out of my eyes. This fuzzy headed kid has longed to do this since childhood. Today, the old forehead is at least a \u201cfivehead\u201d. Maybe in my next life.And finally, Number Eight: Break 80 at Eagle Springs. Sorry for all the golf references. It\u2019s the only sport I can come close to playing with any success (Anyway, \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0I\u2019m revising this goal to something achievable. My new plan is to have no plan. Just have fun, hit good shots, enjoy the sun. Remember that Zen guy? So that\u2019s about it. Make them Bucket Lists if you dare. I just<\/p>\n

can\u2019t handle the pressure.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Anti-Bucket List Works Better for Me \u00a0 So how are you doing with those New Year\u2019s resolutions? I resolved not to make any resolutions, and I haven\u2019t broken it yet. Old joke, I know, but still a good one. Along with resolutions, people who are facing their own mortality have had a tendency in recent […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"ocean_post_layout":"","ocean_both_sidebars_style":"","ocean_both_sidebars_content_width":0,"ocean_both_sidebars_sidebars_width":0,"ocean_sidebar":"","ocean_second_sidebar":"","ocean_disable_margins":"enable","ocean_add_body_class":"","ocean_shortcode_before_top_bar":"","ocean_shortcode_after_top_bar":"","ocean_shortcode_before_header":"","ocean_shortcode_after_header":"","ocean_has_shortcode":"","ocean_shortcode_after_title":"","ocean_shortcode_before_footer_widgets":"","ocean_shortcode_after_footer_widgets":"","ocean_shortcode_before_footer_bottom":"","ocean_shortcode_after_footer_bottom":"","ocean_display_top_bar":"default","ocean_display_header":"default","ocean_header_style":"","ocean_center_header_left_menu":"","ocean_custom_header_template":"","ocean_custom_logo":0,"ocean_custom_retina_logo":0,"ocean_custom_logo_max_width":0,"ocean_custom_logo_tablet_max_width":0,"ocean_custom_logo_mobile_max_width":0,"ocean_custom_logo_max_height":0,"ocean_custom_logo_tablet_max_height":0,"ocean_custom_logo_mobile_max_height":0,"ocean_header_custom_menu":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_family":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_subset":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_size":0,"ocean_menu_typo_font_size_tablet":0,"ocean_menu_typo_font_size_mobile":0,"ocean_menu_typo_font_size_unit":"px","ocean_menu_typo_font_weight":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_weight_tablet":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_weight_mobile":"","ocean_menu_typo_transform":"","ocean_menu_typo_transform_tablet":"","ocean_menu_typo_transform_mobile":"","ocean_menu_typo_line_height":0,"ocean_menu_typo_line_height_tablet":0,"ocean_menu_typo_line_height_mobile":0,"ocean_menu_typo_line_height_unit":"","ocean_menu_typo_spacing":0,"ocean_menu_typo_spacing_tablet":0,"ocean_menu_typo_spacing_mobile":0,"ocean_menu_typo_spacing_unit":"","ocean_menu_link_color":"","ocean_menu_link_color_hover":"","ocean_menu_link_color_active":"","ocean_menu_link_background":"","ocean_menu_link_hover_background":"","ocean_menu_link_active_background":"","ocean_menu_social_links_bg":"","ocean_menu_social_hover_links_bg":"","ocean_menu_social_links_color":"","ocean_menu_social_hover_links_color":"","ocean_disable_title":"default","ocean_disable_heading":"default","ocean_post_title":"","ocean_post_subheading":"","ocean_post_title_style":"","ocean_post_title_background_color":"","ocean_post_title_background":0,"ocean_post_title_bg_image_position":"","ocean_post_title_bg_image_attachment":"","ocean_post_title_bg_image_repeat":"","ocean_post_title_bg_image_size":"","ocean_post_title_height":0,"ocean_post_title_bg_overlay":0.5,"ocean_post_title_bg_overlay_color":"","ocean_disable_breadcrumbs":"default","ocean_breadcrumbs_color":"","ocean_breadcrumbs_separator_color":"","ocean_breadcrumbs_links_color":"","ocean_breadcrumbs_links_hover_color":"","ocean_display_footer_widgets":"default","ocean_display_footer_bottom":"default","ocean_custom_footer_template":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"ocean_post_oembed":"","ocean_post_self_hosted_media":"","ocean_post_video_embed":"","ocean_link_format":"","ocean_link_format_target":"self","ocean_quote_format":"","ocean_quote_format_link":"post","ocean_gallery_link_images":"on","ocean_gallery_id":[],"footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7227","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-columnists","entry"],"yoast_head":"\nTom Anselm's Anti-Bucket List - flovalleynews.com<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/flovalleynews.com\/?p=7227\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Tom Anselm's Anti-Bucket List - flovalleynews.com\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Anti-Bucket List Works Better for Me \u00a0 So how are you doing with those New Year\u2019s resolutions? 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